I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I FOUND THE LEGS
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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