Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
