Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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