Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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