I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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