We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
