The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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