Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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