i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize