so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
