he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
