Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
