wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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