just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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