wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
