I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
