so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
