My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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