im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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