Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
So. Much. Porn.
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