how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
