Define "chronic" masturbator.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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