i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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