is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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