college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
