i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize