cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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