Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
