I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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