Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
