I got chris browned last night
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
