Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
