I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize