remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
