i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
as a side note pls kill me
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
