a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
