This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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