good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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