there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
