WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
