I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
