I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
