just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
