Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Bring me that man meat
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
