im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
