he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
