omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I came so hard my ears popped.
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