i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
