Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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