nut hugger
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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