My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
