he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Drake has all the answers
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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