I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
