Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
