So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
there was a trapeze. enough said
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
