I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
