do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
