whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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