Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
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