Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize