so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
