He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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