I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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