Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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