First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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