If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
