Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
he thought i was a dude.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
