I got chris browned last night
I want to have your abortion
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
