What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
