I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
