As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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