ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
