He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
