You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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