We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
