I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
