He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
