make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
PANTIES FOUND
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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