She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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