Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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