y did u give ur computer a hand job?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
